Just now i was watching the 9 oclock show which i got addicted to yesterday. i havent watched tv since xiao niang re then ytd everyone watching the show so i also go watch, then wahlao eh very exciting leh wtf. But like going to end liao.

anyway terence cao go tell fann wong, if you only had one day left to live, who will you spend that day with, me or sun jie?

then after that i also think about that question, and despite everything, if family all that not counted, i kinda know who i want to spend it with. You.

but abit late lor. sigh. i know you meant it when you said you loved me and i know i never really said i love you out loud to you before......and i know you mean it and it really puzzles me that you can just apparently not love anymore. are you just concealing it in your blogposts and msn nicks and everything and pretending not to care? i really don't know and do i really mean that little to you? did i really make you that unhappy? didn't we share happy times?

i will never forget that night at botanic gardens. that night at esplanade rooftop. at istana park. all those park/garden walks we had. we may be very very different but we do share a common love for dark parks/gardens which are just dimly and sufficiently lit. idk but somehow all the other senses are intensified; you smell stronger, you feel more tender, the love is stronger. sigh. did all those mean nothing to you? did i really make you that unhappy such that you are willing to give up all those memories and all the good times we could spend in the future so that you can get some relief from me?

i know you think that i was playing you and perhaps i was, but i never really got to realize how much i need you and appreciate you until you left for good and i really have no more reason to hope that you will come back to me. perhaps after our exams? if only you would. my fear is that you would have lost every single bit of feeling and its never gonna be the same. perhaps we have quarreled far too many times to repair.

during the twilight hours between sleeping and waking i often think of us together at a beach and we would sit there and watch the sunset/sunrise. we wouldn't have to talk, we would just sit there enjoying each other's company. perhaps with your camera and you could capture that beautiful moment but no matter how many pictures you take it will never be able to fully encapsulate the wholesome beautiful and sheer joy of just being alone with you and enjoying beauty.

all those promises and all those words, how i wish it will really come true some day.

so depressed i have to blog it here because i cannot blog it in my other blog. because you will read it. and i will appear to be the most desperate needy piece of shit.

life sucks?

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