Walking on Broken Glass.

Your thoughts have taken their toll

jireh is a realist.
18 on the day of A level GP paper.

getting interested in photography.after a levels i would like to learn hiphop but i think i am the kind with 2 left feet. perhaps i'd pick up the guitar. or fine tune my piano skills. and learn french. hopefully i will be able to embark on all these grand plans and master something new with my pathetic weekends.

i have never experienced love. i have never looked at anyone and felt all fuzzy. all i have ever experienced, and this is sad, is lust, loneliness, and obligation.

What would you attempt, if you knew you could not fail?

Sunday, October 18, 2009 @ 11:45 PM

This is random, but I was just reading some of my old friends blogs. Glad to see that many of them are happily attached like cheryl tan. I hope everyone else that I used to have regular contact with find their own happiness someday.

Sometimes I wonder if academic achievements and excellence are really that important. Will this endless pursuit of distinctions after distinctions make me any happier or anymore satisfied? I spent my last two years building up a beautiful CCA record and taking part in about 5 million extra curricular activities. The amount of CIP I happily did in 2 years of JC life is like twice as much as the pathetic few hours I toiled through to complete in my 4 years of secondary school. And CIP hours don't even count for that much towards university applications or whatever, unlike in secondary school where 100 hours = 5 points in the LEAP system or whatever.

I have been happy in the past two years. I have been happy being OGL and meeting new people and helping the unfortunate and excelling academically and felt the satisfaction of being made leaders in my respective CCAs. I have felt the pride of winning prizes and topping classes and having my literature essays made model exemplars and sent to every single student and teacher in the lit faculty. But I guess the type of happiness I have felt is just different from others who chose to lead less competitive lives.

Because they find happiness in simpler things. I will always be seeking my happiness in high places, places which require a great deal of sacrifice and hard work. One day my energy will burn out, and I will be left with perhaps a nice title, a nice sum of money in the bank, but an empty soul.

At the end of the day, I ask myself. Did I really follow this path because everyone else was on this path and it was ridiculous to drop out? Or is my understanding of success and happiness too intricately tied to high flying jobs, status and wealth? This rat race has greatly exhausted me, and I am only (almost) 18.

Which brings me back to the question and the title of the post. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?